The Worst Books I Ever Read

Daniel Defoe - The Further Adventures Of Robinson Crusoe - Rushed out in months to cash in on the success of a genuinely great book, the sequel has Crusoe sailing round the World converting 'savages' to Christianity. Friday is killed within a few chapters and Crusoe is completely indifferent. 

Some of my book shelves

Stephen R Donaldson - The 7^th Decimate - Tolkienesque twaddle.  In a realm where wizards control six decimating powers, fire, Earthquakes, water, etc, one side of a civil war invents gun-powder, then loses the recipe) so they send the few men they have guns for to kill  the enemy wizards. Most die in the attack, but the hero survives after a coma. He learns that all the nice wizards have lost their powers and they fear a big attack from the enemy after several years of nothing.  (My first thought was that the enemy wizards have lost their magic powers too, and I was right, guessing this three chapters in. It is revealed as the big surprise twist in the closing chapter.  The 7th Decimate is a mythical wizarding gift of ability to switch off the other six.

Philip Jose Farmer - Jesus On Mars - Farmer wrote some great books like the Riverworld series by Jesus Mars is about astronauts literally finding Jesus alive and well and starting his ministry again on the Martians. Just reads like a bad acid trip. 

John Gor - Slave Girl Of Gor - possibly the most sexist book ever. Women are kidnapped through a portal and taken to another planet and forced to be sex slaves by having explosive necklaces strapped to their necks. The hero, himself from Earth, is just a better slave-master than the other slave masters. Dreadfully written with endless repetitions of the same lines. Often read out loud at science fiction conventions to see how far the reader can get without laughing. Few last more than a few paragraphs. 

L Ron Hubbard - Battlefield Earth - Scientology inspired drivel about Johnny Goodboy (how to make your hero obvious), fighting off invading aliens and later taking over the whole universe himself.

Yogananda Prahubananda - Autobiography Of A Yogi - A young trainee yogi has doubts about his calling until he meets various miraculous people, like a policeman who had an arm bitten off by a tiger. Later the Yogi meets him again and he's amazed to see the arm has grown back. The policeman seems puzzled that any yoga practitioner doesn't know how to regenerate lost limbs. (Too long for book club). 

T Lobsang Rampa - The Third Eye - The first of about a dozen books supposedly written by a Tibetan Lama, but later exposed as being a plumber from Plympton who never set foot anywhere near Tibet.  His last book is called Living With The Lama and tells the story from his cat's point of view.  Not a comedy - peddled as non-fiction. 

Sir Walter Scott - A Legend Of Montrose - Scott wrote some great books but this is dumb, and barely mentions the true legend, (an unsolved murder case in the Montrose camp during the English Civil War in Scotland).  Instead it has a Falstaffian soldier riding round the Highlands. When his beloved horse dies he skins it to make his clothes out of it from respect from his closest friend (serious questions about that). 

Jack Vance - Servants Of The Wankh - the most unintentionally hilarious title of any fantasy novel - actually crap to read though as adventurers are warned the jungle is one no one survive and then go through facing no threat whatsoever. Later the sail a sea notorious for monsters and pirates but see neither and have a very pleasant voyage. This happens throughout the book.

Photo taken by me.

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Arthur Chappell