Poem – Life’s A Beach
- arthurpeterchappell
- Jun 9
- 2 min read
She insisted on swimming in the sea
With her stoma bag visible for all to see
sticking up over her bikini briefs
On her visit to the Coral reefs
Friends supported her brave display
Other beach users looked away
Mumbling disapproval and disgust
Pointed, stared, moaned and fussed
Whispering so she wouldn’t hear them speak
Aloud their worries that her bag might leak
She walked down to the water and started to wade
Ignoring the protests, with her bag defiantly displayed
As she swam, other bathers tutted, and got out
While others saw nothing to worry about.
Her bag held firm as she went further from shore
Unaware of dangers the deep held in store
The woman’s situation looked pretty stark.
When a tell-tale fin gave away the presence of a shark.
She was sad to survive cancer, only to die this way
But the jaws missed the flesh and snatched only the stoma bag away
She got back safely to dry land
Lifeguards and medics were quickly at hand
But she assured them that she was safe and sound
As at her request, her partner looked for and found
A fresh bag to replace that swallowed by the Great White
Which knew right away that this human didn’t taste quite right.
A musty mush, spat out quickly,
For making Jaws feel quite sickly
The stoma bag put the shark off future human slaughter.
Given all the plastic pollution in our water
The stolen bag achieved something good
And the attack survivor assured everyone that she would
Continue to wear swimsuits displaying her colostomy
A similar stance to that one day possibly to be made by me
Though hopefully I’ll never face shark attack when I dare
Show my stomas, and whether you approve or not, I just don’t care.
Arthur Chappell
I do have to wear stoma bags myself.
After performing this poem for the first time at Vinyl Tap's pub in Preston, Lancashire on Sunday 7th June 2026 (two days after writing it), I actually saw some sharks myself, namely these chaps wandering by opposite my bus stop near the university.
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